The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
