She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
