have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
