He uses pillows to masturbate.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
