im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
