I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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