i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
