I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
