Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Success! We fucked roommates!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
