my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
