We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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