Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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