I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
