I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
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I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
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You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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