Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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