NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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