Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
