K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
