at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
