you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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