Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
