When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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