I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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