I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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