White coat. Heels.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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