You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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