States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
