My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
