marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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