I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The best revenge is premature balding
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
