The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
