I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
