I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
