i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
