I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
