ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
