Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
sex in a hospital.. check
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
