im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
