After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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