fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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