you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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