she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
