did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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