My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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