my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You're like the curious george of whores
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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