Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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