It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
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new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
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Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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