are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
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Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
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The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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