Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
