The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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