dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
