I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
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The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
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Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize