I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
