i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
