real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
