He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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