the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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