I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
