I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
