So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Let's paint friendship bongs
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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