I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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