I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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