i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
