After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
