Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
