i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
