No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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