Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
God, I missed his penis.
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